The Three Stages of Trust for Survivors of Abuse and Toxic Communities
Trust is a big issue for most abuse and/or cult survivors and, rightly so. For many of us, we have been betrayed and lied to about ourselves, our leaders, and even the world at large.
Here are the three stages of trust I have identified to help you understand what you and your loved ones may be experiencing.
Stage #1
Trust everyone. Take it all in as fact. Please the powers that be (family, friends, spiritual leaders, politicians, etc.) โ Donโt rock the boat.
Stage #2
Realize youโve been fed a lot of lies or half-truths from the powers that be. And, see that they are a part of systemic injustices (patriarchy, racism, political gain, money rackets, abuse apologists, etc.) โ Question everything. Trust no one. Feel helpless to the whims of the system.
Stage #3
Trust yourself. Learn that you can trust your intuition to help you make wise decisions about who/what is safe to trust. And, know in your soul that if you get tricked again, you are wise enough and resilient enough to work through it because you have confidence in yourself.
Survivors often pass through stages of trust in their healing journey and can even circle back around to different stages at different points in their life.
Even though stages one and two can, at times, be very painful and uncomfortable, it is essential to remember that each stage of trust is a valuable and useful tool.
For instance, children usually begin in stage one. It is entirely normal and natural for children to fully trust the adults in their life because they are not yet prepared to take care of themselves. Adults in stage one may be enacting a useful coping mechanism to survive within a particular system they are living in.
Stage two is valuable because this is the stage a person is reevaluating their belief system. Itโs the testing stage where a person is collecting data points so they can later become more self-reliant. Because you are rethinking everything, it can feel like the world is caving in on you, but eventually, learning to live with uncertainty and exploration becomes the new normal.
While ultimately, stage three is the goal, it is best not to rush stage two because you will be learning essential skills to help you further trust your own sense of intuition and logic.
